Take a Journey ride with me.

Journey

  • passage or progress from one stage to another

 

So its almost 4 months into the new year and this is first blog post, literally shaking my head. How can I talk about how much I love to write yet I don’t do it. Life is definitely moving but I missed you guys. I missed interacting with you and reading all of your blogs. But to give myself some credit I have literally been working 6,7 days straight with these two jobs I find it necessary to have, but that is no excuse. I am the first one to tell somebody you make time for what you want to make time for so this year I will do better. I have so many things to share, and new journeys I am embarking in. My plan is to give you guys all my rawest emotions and my deepest thoughts. I hope you will continue to follow me as I go thru this thing called life.

Would a Black man do that for me

Let me make this clear I love black men. I also do not believe in marriage.

Even though I wish to never partake in marriage every once in awhile when I’m feeling sappy I will look at a wedding board on pintrest or take a little gander at vintage wedding rings. Lately for whatever reason I have been watching surprise proposal videos and I’m just like laaawdddd like sometimes I will shed a small tear. When I watch most of these videos I tend to notice that for the most part its mainly white guys doing the surprise proposals and being all creative and they are doing it to white girls. Like I said for the most part not all. In one video in particular the girls (who happened to be white) bf sent her on a scavenger hunt that actually led to a surprise proposal. While I was watching the video I said in my head “I know he’s white” chillleeeee he came around the corner and he was black, I nearly fell out. I read thru the comments and one lady mentioned the fact that he was black and that she wondered if he would do that for a black girl. Finally! Someone said what I was thinking. Would he have done that for a black woman? Now now I’m not trying to make this a racial discussion because love is love…but It is something that I wonder. Alot of men that I deal with or the men I hear my friends deal with who are mainly black lack in the creativity department. They wanna chill or expect you to do all the planning. Even though I said all of this there are some black men that have done surprise proposal videos and I cried tears of joy. I actually went to a K Michelle concert where this man who happened to be black proposed to his girl on stage and again I was crying she was crying everybody was crying. It was awesome.

Black men just keep creativity in mind.

-We love you.

 

What It Means To Love A Girl Who Is Used To Being On Her Own

I love to read these types of posts because I want to see if they are accurate or not, and well this one is quite accurate. As many of you know  by reading my posts I am single like a dollar bill, and I struggle in my realationshits. Anywhoo I thought I would share this post and give my own personal opinion because what my blog be if I didn’t give my own opinion. So lets get to it.

  1. She’ll be the toughest nut to crack and her walls will be built up the highest. Because for so long they were just that: her walls.So finding space for someone else is going to be hard for her, its going to be a challenge.

These walls man they are my comfort zone. This world I created its all I know. For me to just add someone to my world and potentially mess it up..I cringe at the thought

       2. A girl who is used to being on her own will probably say (at one point or another) that she “doesn’t need you.” She’ll spout variations of “I can do it myself”s and “Don’t worry about it”s. Just because realistically she probably doesn’t need you doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you.

No forreal tho I can do this. I got it. But every once in awhile I will break down and get weak and take help. Taking help from someone is embarrassing it almost makes me look weak in a sense. In my mind if you say “Do you need help” I’m gonna say no but if you wanna do something for me I would rather it be a surprise. I want you to want to do things for me.

      3. Just because she can walk the road alone doesn’t mean she wouldn’t enjoy your company.

I like walking this road alone I can do what I want when I want where I want, but who doesn’t like company sometimes. I don’t need anybody next to me I prefer to be myself anyways but just to have someones presence would be nice, sometimes.

      4. But there will also be the fear that if she does let you in, does trust you, that she’ll stop being comfortable on her own and only start to be comfortable with you

What if I become comfortable with you..telling you my fears..my dreams..what makes me happy..what makes me smile..

       5. What do I do if they leave?

I think this is the hardest part of it all. What I deal with the most. They ALWAYS leave. It never fails. No matter how much I keep my guard up I let it down, let that person in, and then they leave. Guess who is left to pick up the pieces? Deal with the heart break? Cries in the middle of the night? Blames them self for the person leaving?

What It Means To Love A Girl Who Is Used To Being On Her Own

The Bible didn’t prepare me.

So lately I’ve been dealing with a lot mainly in my relationships. I found myself being upset with God. Not necessarily upset with him just disappointed. I was struggling with my thoughts with God even though I knew better. Most recently another “shituation” ended after over a year and I’m not gonna lie I was hurt forreal. I really thought you know maybe he could be “it” so to speak. He told me “I deserve better” but I think it was a cop out but that’s for another blog. In my head I’m like really God, again? I felt like he likes to see me hurt and go thru the foolery. I then began to think about the Bible and all the encouraging verses that it has to offer but then this idea came to my head..the Bible did not prepare me for heart ache, breakups, and how to deal with a broken heart.

Or did it.

I don’t read my Bible like I should so I decided to look up verses that would talk about dealing with a broken heart and here are the ones that I found. Maybe I should read my Bible more. Hopefully this helps somebody.

1.Psalms 34:18- The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit

2.Revelation 21:4- And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away

3.Psalm 147:3- He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

4.Isaiah 41:10- Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness

5.Psalm 55:22- Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved

6. Hebrews 13:8 – Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

The day she left and I broke up with him

2 weeks.

Yes my mom went to Florida for 2 weeks. You already know what that means. When she told me she was leaving I wasnt worried about the cooking, cleaning, and shopping but how was I gonna go 2 weeks with just me and my father…in the house.. Now many of you know how much my relationshit with my father is strained and I mean strained. I think the last time my mom left me and my father by ourselves I was young so I almost depended on him but now I can take care of myself so I thought this should be interesting. The 2 weeks came and went and..well I survived.

I tried really I did. One night I made jerk wings from scratch and I could see the disappointment on his face when they weren’t what he expected even though he ate them I couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t good enough. I realized how much of a child he makes me feel when he told me to turn the stove up and to make sure ” I turn on the right burner”. There is no room for mistakes in this house. The last straw is when he threw my new body pillow on the floor. I just cannot with him. When I went out to buy food or something I did not think of him. I dreaded answering his phone calls. I was irritated when he would call my name. I was annoyed when he asked me if I already ate dinner or if I wanted him to get me some food like I don’t need you for anything. I would cringe when I heard him and my mom on the phone and he was just laughing it up it was just so phony to me cause he doesn’t always treat her like that when she is home. What made me mad the most is that he can cook and do his own laundry. I remembered the times when my mom was in the kitchen making his lunch for him all times of night. Sn: If I found the right man I might do the same thing. I remembered the days when she wasn’t feeling good and she still crawled out of bed to make him dinner while he just sat there watching t.v. I struggled with myself because I couldn’t figure out why my hate for him had gotten worse. Was I wrong? Was I ungrateful? Should I give him a chance? I came across an article by Anna Bashedly called “To All The Brave Kids Who Broke Up With Their Toxic Dads.” It finally hit me I had broke up with my father. Imagine you break up with your bf/ gf who did the most awful thing to you but yet they are STILL in your life daily and you have to see them daily and you still have to talk to them almost daily, how would you feel? For me its like I broke up with you for a reason why are you still in my life? I still live at home (hopefully I will move out next yr) so it’s like I’m trapped in a situation and I can’t get out. Maybe one day we will get back together again.

Hers’s a link to the article if you would like to read it.

http://www.annabash.com/new-blog/bravekids

Dear Natural Hair Product, I miss you

My mind is telling me no but my scalp is telling me yass. Many of you know I love my Youtube tutorials. As one video turned into another I found some on blue magic *whispers* grease. Yea I said it grease on natural hair. Their braidouts and twistouts were perfect.There’s a natural hair blogger whose name I cant remember says she puts grease on her scalp and so do other naturals. The grease talk took me back to a time when Carol would sit me down to grease my scalp and my hair was long back then. So why did I stray away from my jar of grease that so lovingly took care of me when I was younger. I’ve heard of grease doing something to your hair blah blah blah but how come I never had those issues when I was a child. The people who were against grease on natural hair said MAKE SURE you wash the grease out with some special kind of shampoo. When I was younger and my mom washed my hair she didn’t use any special shampoo she used what I call “white people shampoo” no offense. It hit me I think I strayed away from grease because of allll these natural products that promote healthy hair and promise to have your curls poppin.Chilllee Idk. It’s funny because alot of these products actually make your hair dry sometimes *sips tea*. All I know is I went to wally world and picked up a 12 oz bottle of my blue magic hair grease for $2.39..do you know long that will last me compared to that little tube of Miss Jessie’s curl pudding that’s $12.00 at Walmart *turns up nose* hmph. I’m not knocking natural hair products I recently fell in love with Aunt Jackies curl la la pudding and it works nicely in my hair but all I’m saying is I’m gonna go back to what I know works. So blue magic I’ll be working my way back to yooooouuuu with a burning love inside. Any of my other naturals use hair grease?

White people > Black people

According to a black man.

So I’m at work watching Ellen waiting, counting down the minutes for me to bust the gates of freedom wide open and go home. My coworker at the front desk tells me about a patient who was wrongly scheduled yesterday supposedly by a woman at our office. He thought his appointment was yesterday but it was actually the day before. My co worker tried to help calm the man down when he came in on the wrong day but explained to him since you came in on the wrong day you are now an add on and he would have to wait. The man got his gout up talkin bout he doesn’t want to wait just getting his hair in a frizz. My coworker tells me the man says “This is why I don’t like dealing with black people they are incompetent. I would rather deal with white people”. *neck jerks back*. Can anyone guess the color of this man don’t worry i’ll wait.

Yes he was a negro. He was colored. Probably darker than me. Now mind you when he was talking about black people he was saying this in a hospital in D.C. that is predominately BLACK in a waiting room full of BLACK people. My co worker (who is black) said everybody was in shock. My co worker then proceeds to tell me about this black lady who only wanted to see white techs. At this point my tea cup was over flowing and I had to get a refill. I was here for this story hunty. But yes this black woman who was married to a white doctor only wanted to see white techs. She specifically said she did not want to see black or foreign techs. *shakes head*.

These situations really bother me. It’s bad enough black people have to deal with racism from other people but we also have to deal with the division within our own race. We need to stop. To the sista who got some cream in her coffee you go girl! but don’t think you are better than me and don’t for one second think that you are now white because you married a white man and possibly have money *flips hair*. To the man who said “He only likes to deal with white people” how did you know the receptionist on the phone was black? Did she “talk black”? Was her name LaQuetta? How you gonna judge someone over the phone. *NEWSFLASH* White people make mistakes too. Yes you may have 4 degrees but that will not stop someone from judging you by the color of your skin. I will also add I have nothing against white people or any other race. I am the first to admit black people can have attitudes (including myself), lazy, etc and guess who’s fault that is? Ours. Yes it’s black people’s fault. They cant talk about our lateness to work if we continue to be late for work. We always talk about how we are judged but some of us don’t do better. We continue to let our attitudes and harshness get in the way. I cant really speak on any race except my own. Black is beautiful.